The Age of Awakening: How Parenting Can Stir Up Buried Trauma
Over the years, I have worked with many people who were sexually abused as children. One of the things I have noticed, time and again, is the danger point that arrives when their own child reaches the age they were when the abuse happened. It is as if the past, which has been tucked safely away, suddenly stirs and wakes. The child’s birthday becomes a mirror that reflects something long buried in the parent’s body and psyche.
In that moment, the parent’s unresolved trauma is often reactivated. Memories may resurface, emotions intensify, or their capacity to stay regulated begins to falter. Some find themselves feeling inexplicably angry, tearful, or distant. Others begin to struggle with guilt, anxiety, or hypervigilance. The inner child within them is crying out, asking to be seen, just as their real child needs their calm, protective presence.
This collision between past and present is often the point where deep healing can begin. It is an opportunity, painful though it is, to turn towards what was once unbearable and begin to integrate it. In therapy, we can help the adult self learn how to nurture their own child self – to create safety where once there was none. When this happens, something extraordinary unfolds. The parent not only breaks the cycle of silence and shame, but also learns to offer their own child the protection, tenderness, and truth that they themselves were denied.
By Juliet Grayson
www.therapyandcounselling.co.uk
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