resources shame series 2

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PURCHASING RECORDINGS

TO PURCHASE THE RECORDINGS OF EXPLORING SHAME SERIES 1 AND OTHER RECORDINGS BY JULIET AND WILLIAM CLICK HERE https://jandw.thinkific.com/   Purchase the recording of the complete first series of the EXPLORING SHAME SERIES 1 at a discounted rate of £10 (usual price £15) each, or the whole series for £50 (usual price £70).  NB prices will go up sometime soon.

PRE-PURCHASING THE RECORDINGS OF EXPLORING SHAME SERIES 2 FOR £50 FOR 6 RECORDINGS CLICK HERE

 

DATES AND TITLES OF SHAME SERIES 2 FOR ONLINE EVENTS

Click here to purchase tickets (search for date to find the talk(s) you want to attend.   

  • The Nuts and Bolts of Shame October 4th 6-8pm
  • Breaking the Cycle: Treating Shame Monday November 15th 6-8pm
  • The Subtle Poison Of Shame Monday December 13th 6-8pm
  • Growing Up with Shame: Children of Shame.  Monday January 10th 2022 6-8pm
  • Shame, Sex and The Body Monday 7th February 6-8pm
  • Shame: Trauma, Dysfunction and Abuse Monday 7th March 6-8pm


OTHER WORKSHOPS WITH WILLIAM, JULIET AND THE TEAM

COMING UP SOON:

Early Booking Discount runs out on March 18th for
JULIET AND WILLIAM WILL BE RUNNING AN ONLINE PROGRAMME TOGETHER – A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH.  It will be 8 modules, starting Saturday 18th June 2022, and will run on alternate Saturdays (with a month’s break in August).  If you’d like to be kept posted when the info is out sign up here https://forms.gle/4iXT7J7JtEa3ZBsD6

UKRAINE FUNDRAISER
Juliet and William will both be contributing to the Fundraiser for Ukraine through OnlineEvents. Their talks are at 4.30 on 26th March. Click here

JULIET GRAYSON ANSWERING QUESTIONS ON SEX!  FOR ONLINE EVENTS 2 hour talk on May 16th at 6pm.  Watch out for details (or sign up here to be sent info about this and other workshops).

OTHER WORKSHOPS click here for dates and info, such as

  • Anger Rage and Relationship with Sue Parker Hall
  • Working With Shame with Sue Parker Hall
  • Boys – For Therapists Working With Clients Who Have Troublesome Boys Age 2-12 with Lucinda Neall
  • Teens – Understanding Teenagers and How to Support Them Through Adolescence with Lucinda Neall
  • Lives of Quiet Desperation: Therapy for Men with Simon Roe and Lee Stagles
  • Go Tell It On The Mountain: Storytelling for Healing and Change: Michael Harvey
  • Attachment Informed Couple Therapy with Nicola Jones
  • Working With Couples – 6 modules that can be taken individually, or do all and get a Certficate in Couples Therapy with Nicola Jones or Julie Newberry
  • Pesso Boyden Personal Development Workshops with Juliet Grayson


PURCHASING BOOKS BY WILLIAM AYOT AND JULIET GRAYSON: SPECIAL OFFER

TO PURCHASE BOOKS SPECIAL OFFER – Free Delivery if in the UK – only for people attending the Shame Series 2 talks

 

POEMS Click here to read the poems read during the workshop

 

DEFINITIONS OF SHAME

Gershen Kaufman: Shame is the rupture of the interpersonal bridge. 
Patricia DeYoung: An experience of the disintegration of the felt sense of self in relation to the dysregulating other 
Carl Jung: Soul eating emotion
Brené Brown: Shame is an incredibly painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging. 
Merle Fossum and Marilyn Mason:  Shame is an inner feeling of total degradation and inadequacy as a person. It is the self that condemns the self. A moment of shame can mean such painful humiliation or such deep degradation that one feels robbed of one’s dignity or exposed as fundamentally inadequate, bad and rejectable. If the feeling of shame prevails, one always starts from the premise that one is fundamentally bad, inadequate, flawed, worthless or inferior as a human being.
Bret Lyon: Shame is a combination of a primary emotion and a freeze state. The mind doesn’t think clearly, and there’s a sense of stuckness and not knowing what to do. 
Windy Dryden: Shame is when you feel Deficient, Defective, Diminished —and one of our participants on the shame series 1 added, its when you have that feeling you just want to Disappear
Brené Brown: Shame needs 3 things to grow exponentially: secrecy, silence, and judgment.

 

RESOURCES FROM THE DIFFERENT MODULES

SHAME TRAUMA DYSFUNCTION AND ABUSE: Module 6

Definition: Trauma is any event that is beyond the person’s ability to process it at the time.

Bessel van der Kolk: Trauma is not the story of something that happened back then.  It’s the current imprint of that pain, horror, and fear living inside people.  Bessel is author of The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma.

POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER: PTSD
Can occur after a ‘big T’ trauma.  Captured in DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – Fifth Edition).  They experience symptoms that fall into 3 categories

  • Re-experiencing symptoms. Flashbacks and nightmares.  
  • Sense-of-threat symptoms. Being on guard, hypervigilant, jumpy, and easily startled.  
  • Avoidance symptoms.Those with PTSD spend a lot of energy avoiding triggers — people, places, or situations that remind them of the trauma they experienced. They may self medicate with alcohol or drugs. 

COMPLEX POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER: CPTSD
Can occur after a series of ‘small t’ traumatic events over time, such as ongoing physical, sexual or emotional abuse.  It is captured in ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases, 11th Revision).  They have the symptoms of PTSD – AND ALSO

  • problems with emotion regulation
  • a negative sense of self and
  • relationship problems

DEVELOPMENTAL TRAUMA DISORDER: DTD
Which could be thought of as the child version of Complex PTSD. It is the function of a disturbed attachment relationship, caused by what happens to chidlren in the first 1000 days of life.  At the moment this is not a formal diagnostic category, though Dr Bessel van der Kolk did put it forward for including in DSM-V, but it was not accepted. They have symptoms, which do not occur in PTSD, such as:

  • affect dysregulation
  • mood regulation problems
  • anger expression
  • chronic suicidality
  • self-injury
  • disturbance in relations with self and others

ADVERSE CHILDHOOD EXPERIENCES: ACE’s

Through evaluation of ACE’s – Adverse Childhood Experiences – which measures specific categories of experience – they have established the link between childhood trauma and adult health problems, such as cancer, diabetes, heart disease, stroke, depression and other life-threatening conditions.  These are the things they evaluate:  

  • emotional, physical or sexual abuse;
  • emotional and physical neglect;
  • domestic violence in the household
  • mental illness in the household
  • substance abuse in the household
  • parental or caregiver imprisonment
  • parental abandonment through separation or divorce

FIVE STAR CONSCIOUS RELATING: Module 5

 

from Juliet Grayson’s book Landscapes of the Heart.

 

SEXUAL SURROGACY: Module 5

 

 

NARCISSISTS PLAY THE SHAME GAME: Julie Hall Module 4

They:

  1. project their inadequacies;
  2. externalize their self-loathing;
  3. make others look and feel inferior;
  4. feed their need to feel superior;
  5. control others’ self-perceptions;
  6. manipulate others to take undue responsibility;
  7. manipulate others to blame themselves for their abuser’s behavior;
  8. undermine and weaken others’ self-esteem;
  9. isolate and disarm others; and/or
  10. drive others into self-hating shame, secrecy and self-destruction.


CONSEQUENCES OF THE SHAME GAME:  Julie Hall Module 4

For anyone, and for children of narcists, intense shame can lead to

  1. pervasive anxiety;
  2. self-hatred;
  3. withdrawal and secrecy;
  4. fear of intimacy and “exposure”;
  5. addictions;
  6. self-harm;
  7. internalized or externalized anger;
  8. dislocation from one’s feelings or authentic self;
  9. perfectionism; and/or
  10. underachievement.


CARETAKERS AND CAREGIVERS Module 4

CARETAKER

  • Sacrifices self
  • Self-righteous about own opinions
  • Helping is compulsive
  • Feels  responsible  for others
  • Crosses boundaries with unsolicited advice
  • Is judgmental
  • Knows what’s best for others
  • Gives with strings attached or expectations
  • Feels exhausted, irritated, frustrated, anxious
  • Feels unappreciated or resentful
  • Discourages others from thinking for themselves
  • Uses nonassertive, pushy, judging, “you” statements
  • Tries to control recipient

CAREGIVER

  • Practices self-care
  • Respects others’ opinions
  • Helping is volitional
  • Feels responsible for self and to others
  • Respect boundaries. Waits to be asked for advice
  • Feels love and empathy
  • Knows what’s best for self
  • Gives freely without expectations
  • Feels energised.
  • Doesn’t take others’ actions personally
  • Encourages others to solve their own problems
  • Uses assertive “I” statements
  • Supports recipient

CHALLENGING THE GRANDIOSE: Terry Real Module 4

  1. Get their attention.
    Use leverage.
  2. Separate person from their behavior.
    “You are a decent person who’s been behaving indecently.”
  3. Help them see what they’re doing.
    “The superiority feels good but it has impaired your judgement.”    
  4. Unearth cognitive distortion. 
    Explain that they have misunderstood how life works.
  5. Give them concrete alternatives.
    Examples of what they can say and do, and what an empathic response would look like.

20 SOURCES OF SHAME
Module 3
by
JULIET GRAYSON & WILLIAM AYOT

  1. Shame Through Silent Response 
  2. Family Secrets & Inherited Shame
  3. Family Banter    
  4. Labels  
  5. Intentional Shaming 
  6. Invasion of Your Privacy or Crossing A Boundary
  7. Something Went Wrong & You Were Partly Responsible
  8. Social Shame
  9. High Expectations & Failure
  10. Being Excluded
  11. Shamed For Doing Wrong
  12. ‘Pass It On’ Shaming
  13. Shaming Through Events That Were Not Your Fault    
  14. Shamed By The Way Your Partner Behaves
  15. Shamed For Being Different
  16. Shame of The False Self
  17. External Referencing
  18. Shame of Self-Censorship
  19. Shame of Being Struck
  20. Internalised Shame / Self Shaming


THE SIX REACTIONS TO SHAME: MODULE 3

 

TREATING SHAME: THE 5 ASPECTS MODEL
Module 2

 

A 15 MINUTE FILM INCLUDING JULIET AND HER WORK WITH THOSE AT RISK OF COMMITTING A SEXUAL OFFENCE

A 15 minute film – which includes an interview with Juliet – about the importance of offering therapy to sexual offenders.  
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Itx3_3N6trg&t=3s&ab_channel=Channel4Documentaries