The Six Human Needs: A Useful Lens for Therapists
In the tender unfolding of our human experience, there is a powerful lens through which we can understand the deep drivers of behaviour. Human Needs Psychology proposes the six core human needs that live at the heart of every action, every conflict, and every longing for connection or change. These are not mere preferences—they are essential nutrients of the psyche.
First, the need for security—for safety, certainty, and predictability. We each long to know that the ground will not give way beneath us, that the walls will hold, that we can breathe. Yet paradoxically, too much certainty becomes suffocating. Enter spontaneity—the craving for variety, change, the unexpected kiss of the unknown. This duality mirrors the dance we do in every relationship: the push-pull of familiarity and surprise. I’ll give an example of these below, but first let me tell you about the other 4 needs.
There is importance, the need to feel significant, to matter. Without it, the soul shrinks. Yet when significance dominates, love may retreat. So we also yearn for loving connection—to be seen, met, and felt. This is the balm, the bridge, the thread that mends our frayed edges.
The final two—development and giving beyond yourself—are the needs that move us from surviving to thriving. Growth honours the part of us that seeks expansion, while contribution answers the soul’s call to belong, to serve, to leave a legacy.
These six needs weave through our lives like a river—sometimes flowing in harmony, sometimes in conflict. Part of our therapeutic task is to gently explore how each of these plays out in our choices, our addictions, our partnerships. And with tender curiosity, we can begin to ask: Which are the most important to me? Which of my needs are being met? Which ones am I neglecting? And what would it mean, truly, to live in a way that honours all six?
We explore the 6 needs in more depth, in the workshop for therapists – Meeting Your Partner’s Needs.
This is part of the 6 modular workshop – Certificate in Working With Couples. www.therapyandcounselling.co.uk
Juliet enjoys hearing comments about how these talks impact people – both positive and negative. If you have time, please let her know your thoughts – click here
To sign up for more of these – and info about CPD workshops – click here
CASE STUDY ABOUT SECURITY AND SPONTANEITY
Let me introduce you to Anna and James.
Anna grew up in a household marked by chaos—her father’s temper unpredictable, the mood of the house shifting without warning. As an adult, her nervous system craves steadiness. She finds deep comfort in routine: Tuesday evening yoga, Saturday morning markets, holidays booked months in advance. Predictability soothes her; it’s the balm to her younger self’s hyper-vigilance. For Anna, security isn’t a luxury—it’s oxygen.
James, on the other hand, was raised in a quieter, more ordered home. But with that came a dull ache—a feeling of being unseen, uninspired. He learned to bring aliveness into his life through risk: spontaneous road trips, last-minute decisions, booking a flight simply because the mood took him. For James, spontaneity is how he feels free, how he knows he’s still awake.
When these two fell in love, it was electric. Anna was drawn to James’ vitality; James was comforted by Anna’s groundedness. But as their relationship matured, the very qualities that had attracted them began to grate. Anna experienced James’ spontaneity as unreliable, even threatening. James felt stifled by what he called her “need to control everything.”
In therapy, we explored not just the behaviours—but the unmet needs beneath them. When James could see that Anna’s need for structure wasn’t about shutting him down, but about creating safety for her inner child, something softened. And when Anna could feel that James wasn’t trying to abandon her with his unpredictability—but was searching for joy and aliveness—it opened her heart.
We worked on creating rituals that held both their needs: Friday evenings were free-for-all adventures (James’ soul smiled), while Sundays were sacred slow-time (Anna’s nervous system exhaled). The key wasn’t compromise—it was curiosity and care. Together, they learned to stretch gently towards each other, without abandoning themselves.
Juliet enjoys hearing comments about how these talks impact people – both positive and negative. If you have time, please let her know your thoughts – click here