Honouring the Wisdom of Revenge – Symbolic Expression Loosens the Knots

In the therapy room, I have sat with many people who carry a deep longing for revenge. Often, it is a silent hunger—unspoken, but simmering just beneath the surface. When someone has been harmed, especially in childhood, there is a part of the psyche that wants justice. Not just in a rational sense, but emotionally, viscerally. It wants the perpetrator to hurt too. It wants to level the scales.

In the Pesso Boyden System of Psychotherapy (PBSP), we approach this not with judgement, but with understanding. We see revenge not as a flaw in the client’s character, but as a longing for completion. A desire to undo the powerlessness of the original trauma. To move from being helpless to having power. From voiceless to heard. From violated to protected.

But revenge in real life rarely brings peace. It keeps the nervous system activated, keeps the perpetrator present, and often entangles the victim further in the story of harm. What the body and soul truly crave is not retaliation—but symbolic justice. In PBSP, we might create a structure where the client can safely, symbolically enact their vengeful impulse. They might scream, strike, or accuse a symbolic perpetrator—this time with protectors by their side, with power in their voice, with full permission to feel.

Through this enactment, the cycle completes. The body, which had been frozen in helplessness, now moves through to action—and then to resolution. The nervous system settles. Something that had been knotted for years begins to loosen. Revenge, when expressed symbolically and held with care, transforms into release.

And often, in the moments that follow, there is unexpected stillness. A place of peace opens. The client no longer needs to hurt the other—they finally feel safe enough to heal themselves.

This is the essence of PBSP: we do not deny the hunger for revenge—we honour its wisdom. And then we guide it toward something even more life-giving: justice, reparation, and ultimately, freedom.

 

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