There was a time when I didn’t know how to say no—not really. I’d smile and agree to things because I should, or because I didn’t want to disappoint. It felt kinder to go along with things. I was afraid of letting someone down.
And on top of that, was an anxiety. What if they have the best time ever, and I miss the fun? That old ache, the fear of missing out lingered just beneath the surface. So I said yes, even when my body whispered no. I said yes, even when I was running on empty.
My dear friend Jacquie saw through it. We’d been close for years, and she had a way of holding the mirror up gently, but unflinchingly. One evening, she’d asked if I fancied going out for dinner. I’d said yes. But I was already weary — emotionally and physically spent from the week. At the table, I was distracted, low-energy, not really there.
She paused, mid-conversation, and said with quiet honesty: ‘Juliet, if you never say no, then what is your yes worth?’
It landed like a stone in still water. The ripples of that question moved through me, reaching places I hadn’t looked at in years. Decades later I still remember that moment.
She was right. My automatic yes, my over-accommodating nods—they were a betrayal, not just to her, but to me. To my energy. My truth. And ultimately, to the intimacy between us.
I learned that evening that real connection depends on honesty. A wholehearted yes means more when it’s given room to stand beside a clear, respectful no.
So now, before I answer, I pause. I listen inwardly. Does something in me soften at the thought—or tighten? Am I saying yes to honour my aliveness—or to avoid guilt? Would I feel relief if I gave myself permission to say no?
When I say yes now, it comes from a quieter place inside—a place that trusts the rhythm of my own needs. Not every opportunity is mine to take. Not every invitation is meant to be accepted.
And Jacquie? She gave me more than feedback that evening—she gave me a doorway back to myself.
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