Blast from the Past
My colleague Sandy Cotter has a wonderful phrase for those moments when someone pushes our buttons. She calls it a blast from the past.
It’s that flash of heat when your partner forgets to put the bins out. “You never think of me! I do everything round here!” Or the icy silence you fall into when a colleague sighs heavily. “Oh God, I’ve messed up again, they are fed up with me making mistakes. They want me to leave.” The trigger seems small, but the reaction is volcanic. Why? Because it’s not really about bins or sighs. It’s about some old hurt waking up, stretching its legs, and shouting, “Remember me?”
The tricky thing is, when we’re caught in it, we’re absolutely certain we’re seeing reality. We look at the world through our eyes and think, this is the truth. But really, what we’re seeing is our map of the world — and sometimes that map is as outdated as a 1970s guidebook. You know the kind: pages falling out, motorways not yet built, half the restaurants marked now long gone.
So there you are, insisting, “The map says the road goes straight on!” Meanwhile, in reality, it’s a dead end with a Shopping Centre at the bottom. And of course you feel confused, indignant, even betrayed. But it’s not the territory that’s wrong. It’s the map you’re carrying.
That’s what happens when you get a blast from the past. Your partner leaves socks on the floor, and suddenly you’re six years old again, furious that no one listens to you. A friend cancels plans, and you’re right back in the playground thinking, I don’t matter, nobody wants me.
The task is not to blame ourselves for having these blasts — we all have them. The task is to notice them. To pause and ask, “Is this really about today, or am I walking down an old street with a shabby map?”
And here’s the wise bit: the blast is not your enemy. It’s a flare in the dark, pointing you towards the places that most need healing.
So next time you feel the explosion rising, instead of just blaming your unsuspecting partner, colleague, or friend, you might smile wryly and say to yourself: “Ah, an old ghost has joined us at the table.”
Because when you can name it, you no longer have to be driven by it. The past may knock loudly, but it doesn’t get to hold the steering wheel.
One way to heal blasts from the past, is to process them. There are many ways to do this, but one way is to write about them. See our CPD courses re writing about your issues: Go to www.therapyandcounselling.co.uk and
look for:
- Therapeutic Writing Ongoing Group: Open to the General Public
- Creative Writing in the Therapeutic Encounter (For Therapists)
- Therapeutic Journalling (For Therapists)
Juliet enjoys hearing comments about how these talks impact people – both positive and negative. If you have time, please let her know your thoughts
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To sign up for more of these – and info about CPD workshops – https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/sign-up-for-info/
If you are a therapist, to join an email support group for therapists in the UK where you can ask questions, find out about CPD, and get referrals, go to https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/counsellor-network-groups-uk/
You’ll find more Juliet’s Musings on https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/juliets-thoughts-for-the-day/.