The Journey from Chasing Belonging to Choosing Peace
FOMO – The Fear of Missing Out. And JOMO: The Joy of Missing Out
by Juliet Grayson
There’s a quiet joy that comes from sitting still, choosing not to run after the next thing. A relief in saying, no, thank you, and meaning it. The Joy of Missing Out – JOMO – is a subtle but potent shift. It’s when we stop chasing what everyone else seems to be doing and start listening to what we need instead.
I grew up with a fear of missing out FOMO. I had an older brother. and I didn’t want to be left behind. I was determined to be included in everything, be a part of every adventure, every conversation, every moment. If he (or my parents) shut the door, it felt like a loss. I didn’t want to go to bed earlier than him. I was scrabbling to belong, to keep up, not to miss the magic that I imagined was always happening – just out of sight.
That early longing etched itself into my nervous system. For years, I said yes to things that didn’t truly serve me. I felt that tug – that ‘should’ – compelling me to stay in the loop, to keep up, to not let ‘life’ happen without me. But over time, I came to see that constantly reaching outward could leave me disconnected inwardly.
I remember a client once who described her life as a breathless scroll – one long reel of invitations, opportunities, updates. She felt guilty turning anything down. But inside, she was exhausted. When we explored her history, we discovered that growing up, love had always been connected to being ‘in the know,’ included on the guest list. Saying yes had been a survival strategy.
I have discovered that JOMO isn’t about withdrawing from life – it’s about choosing life on my own terms. It’s deeply boundaried. It’s the moment I cancel plans and notice my nervous system exhale. It’s hearing a party happen without me, and smiling, because my evening is gentle time with my beloved, then a warm bath and a book. It’s honouring my capacity, my values, and my inner rhythm.
Unlike FOMO, which is driven by scarcity – “If I’m not there, I’ll lose out” – JOMO is rooted in abundance. It trusts that the right moments will find me. That I’m already enough, without the extras. And in that space, something tender often appears: a reconnection with myself.
So next time you feel that pull – that should – pause. Breathe. Ask: What am I truly yearning for right now? What if the thing you will be missing isn’t nourishment at all, but a distraction? And what you’ve chosen instead is not absence, but presence. For those of us who once believed we had to earn our place in the world by showing up everywhere, it’s also a profound act of healing. One that has taken me many years to learn.
So now, JOMO is not just a boundary – it’s a homecoming. A way of saying, “no, thank you” – and really meaning it. And in that quiet refusal, discovering what I may have been longing for all along: inner peace.
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