When Words Are Not Enough: A Wife’s Reflection on the Power of Ritual

by Juliet Grayson

There are moments in life when language falters. When talking no longer soothes, and insight alone doesn’t bring peace. As a psychotherapist, I have spent decades sitting with people in pain – but some thresholds, I’ve come to realise, are better crossed – not through dialogue, but through ritual.

We used to know this. Long before boardrooms and email threads, we gathered around fires and stones, baptised our young, buried our dead with care, and marked our transitions with rhythm, song, and symbol. A man wasn’t simply told he was a father now — he was brought to the edge of something and walked across it. A woman didn’t quietly mourn in private — she keened with others until her grief became part of the ground. We had ways of making the invisible, visible. Of saying to the soul: This matters.

These days, we still feel the pull. You can see it in the spontaneous memorials after a tragedy, the fire pits lit on beaches at solstice, the ache people carry when they whisper, “We never really said goodbye.” What we lack is not the need for ritual – but the means. The map. The permission.

I’ve had the privilege of living alongside someone who understands this at a cellular level. My husband, William Ayot, is a poet, teacher, and ritualist. Over the years, I’ve watched him offer people something rare and needed: a sacred container in which to meet their grief, honour their transition, or reclaim their inner dignity.

He didn’t begin as a ritualist. Like many, he arrived at this work through lived experience – lost, angry, and aching for meaning. It was in a men’s group, surrounded by drums and firelight, that something clicked for him. He saw that ritual could hold what his words could not. That soul speaks a language older than analysis – a language of symbol, silence, gesture.

Ritual gave him a map of the world.  It gave shape to pain, and a path to return from it.  Since then, I’ve watched him craft hundreds of bespoke rituals — tender, private, deeply personal ceremonies for people in transition. Not pageantry. Not theatre. Just one human being creating a safe, sacred space for another to let go, to mark a turning, to begin again.

Some rituals mark endings: the loss of a relationship, the end of a dream, the death of someone deeply loved. Others are about emergence – stepping into a new identity, or reclaiming a long-forgotten part of oneself. What they all have in common is a profound sense of presence. A depth of witnessing. A quiet but unmistakable dignity.

William often says that ritual isn’t about belief. It’s not religious unless you want it to be. It’s not dogma. What matters is intention. Presence. Safety. And the courage to feel.

He talks about the three classic phases of a true ritual: separation, transformation, and return. You leave something behind. You enter a liminal space – neither the old self, nor the new. And then you emerge, changed. Not always with fireworks. Often with quiet clarity. A realignment.

In our modern culture, these transitions are often ignored. We slide from job to job, relationship to relationship, identity to identity – without pausing to acknowledge what has happened. And yet, our bodies remember. Our psyches remember. The soul waits for us to catch up.

That’s where ritual becomes medicine. Not because it fixes everything – but because it honours what is. It lets the unspeakable be spoken, in gesture if not in words. It offers permission to feel, and a place to leave what we no longer need to carry.

I’ve seen men weep as they say goodbye to an unlived fatherhood. I’ve seen women step into their power with tears and incense and laughter. I’ve seen leaders lay down roles that no longer serve them, and lovers let go of bonds with grace. And I’ve seen William meet each of them – not with answers, but with space.

What moves me most is the humility of his work. There are no robes. No stages. Just a room, or a garden, or a candle-lit circle in someone’s house. And the extraordinary presence of one person witnessing another’s crossing.

We live in a time that glorifies productivity, but avoids vulnerability. Ritual does the opposite. It invites us down – into the body, into grief, into memory – and through that descent, it offers wholeness.

So if life is calling you to mark a change, to lay something down, or to step into what’s next – perhaps words are not enough. Perhaps what’s needed is a fire, a threshold, a witness. A moment that says: this matters.

That is what ritual gives us. And that is the work I’ve watched my husband do, with integrity and grace, again and again.

I’ve been inspired to write this, because William was recently given an award, by Global Health and Pharma – The Most Innovative Modern Ritualist 2025.  And I feel honoured to have witnessed his work, again and again. Either directly in person, or seeing the glowing faces of people leaving, after having completed a ritual with him.  

Juliet Grayson is a UKCP Registered Psychosexual Therapist.  She lives with her husband William Ayot in South Wales (UK).

Global Health & Pharma have named William Ayot: “Most Innovative Modern Ritualist 2025” https://williamayot.com/ in Mental Health Care and Compassion 2025

Global Health & Pharma has awarded British poet, author, and ritualist William Ayot the title of Most Innovative Modern Ritualist (UK) at the 2025 Mental Health Care and Compassion Awards, celebrating his transformative work in bespoke rituals designed for personal healing and transition.  https://ghpnews.digital/winners/william-ayot-3/

Juliet enjoys hearing comments about how these talks impact people – both positive and negative.  If you have time, please let her know your thoughts
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScMcMLPGU2WY1sUZJKF7l_BBEi0h5EkRD5lCOn3xpLvvdKnBw/viewform

To sign up for more of these – and info about CPD workshops – https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/sign-up-for-info/

If you are a therapist, to join an email support group for therapists in the UK where you can ask questions, find out about CPD, and get referrals, go to https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/counsellor-network-groups-uk/

You’ll find more Juliet’s Musings on https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/juliets-thoughts-for-the-day/.