73.The Courage to Let Go: Endings Series 1.1
We tend to imagine that endings happen when something has gone wrong. A relationship becomes unbearable, a job makes us miserable, or a project fails. Then the decision to walk away, however painful, makes sense. We can tell ourselves that we have done the right thing.
But what about the things that are good? The things we have built with care, invested years in, and genuinely enjoyed? What happens when we realise that something can still be valuable, still matter, and yet no longer be where we want to put our energy?
I experienced this when I stepped back from delivering the Working with Couples training modules I had designed and developed. I love teaching about relationships. At the same time, I wanted to devote more of my energy to Pesso Boyden Psychomotor therapy, or PBSP, an approach I feel passionately about and would love to see become much better known in the UK. What helped, was that I was fortunate to find superb, experienced trainers who could take the programme I had designed, forward and bring their personalities to it.
I wasn’t leaving because the couples work had stopped mattering. I was making a choice about what mattered most to me now.
I think this distinction is important. I often hold on to things because they are familiar, because I have invested so much in them. Others may worry that leaving means they have somehow failed. We may even feel disloyal to the person we once were, the person who worked so hard to build what we now need to leave behind.
But our lives are allowed to change. The things that gave us purpose at thirty may not be the things that give us purpose at sixty. A role that once fitted beautifully may have become restrictive. An activity we loved may now take energy we need elsewhere.
Letting go does not mean that something was a mistake. Nor does it mean we have stopped caring. Sometimes it means we care enough to recognise that something has had its time, and that we are ready for a different chapter. I felt that when I left Barnfield Riding School. It was on the edge of Richmond Park – a business (and a building) that was literally built from scratch, and that taught me so much. And it was lovely to see on Facebook that Barnfield Riding School recently celebrated its 40th birthday!
Of course, even a positive ending can bring sadness. We can miss what we are leaving while feeling excited about what lies ahead. We don’t have to choose between gratitude for the past and enthusiasm for the future. We can feel both at the same time!
So perhaps the question isn’t always, What do I need to get away from? Sometimes it is, What do I want to make room for?
There is courage in that question. It asks us to trust that we can honour what we have been while allowing ourselves to become something more.
What might you need to let go of, not because it is wrong, but because something else is calling you?
Juliet Grayson
October 2026
BESSEL VAN DER KOLK RECOMMENDS PESSO BOYDEN
Click here to see a 3 minute video of Bessel van der Kolk saying the work of Al Pesso is the “only thing that really works” https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2022/08/1-Bvk-Best-One-reduced-size-not-tc.mp4
TRAINING AS A PESSO BODY THERAPIST
For therapists – our next training starts in June 2027. It is 6 months for Foundation Skills, or 2 years for the Complete Training
https://pessoboydentraininguk.com/pesso-boyden-training-course/
JOIN A PESSO BOYDEN EXPERIENTIAL WORKSHOP
If you are a member of the public who would like to experience a Pesso Boyden session, look here https://pessoboydenuk.org/workshops/
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See the list of Pesso Events that Juliet is leading: https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/pesso-events/
If you are a therapist, counsellor or health worker, and interested in thinking more about conflict, and you are a therapist, you might want to attend the Couples in Conflict module of the Certificate in Working with Couples.
www.therapyandcounselling.co.uk
If you’re a therapist and watching this you might be interested in my six modular workshops on how to work with couples. Go to www.therapyandcounselling.co.uk and look either at the calendar or look at the course for therapists: Certificate in Working with Couples.
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You’ll find more Juliet’s Musings on https://therapyandcounselling.co.uk/juliets-thoughts-for-the-day/.